English 101 for Weather Reporters

Sadly, there are too damned few copy-editors in radio and television; too few attendees at the “XYZ School of Broadcasting;” too few readers of anybody’s style book.

Radio and television are solitary, intimate media. You speak. I listen. You are talking to me. There’s no one else around most of the time. When you say “Good morning everyone,” I look around the shower, the car, the bathroom, wondering who might be lurking. You don’t need to say “Good morning, Johnny.” A simple “Good morning,” will do.

When you are “on the air,” every second --every syllable-- counts. It’s not like writing for print, where they can always add a few pages by selling more ads.

A minute will never be longer than 60 seconds; an hour never longer than 60 minutes. Make every second count.

Radio and television are geographically neutral media. We’re both “here” in the same room. So when you use “over there in...,” or “up in...,” or “down in...” or “out in...” or even “here in...,” it emphasizes that you and I are most-likely not in the same place after all, thus driving a wedge between us. Why do that? “It’s raining on the East side of town” is better than “It’s raining over there on the East side of town.”

“Weather” is something that exists all of the time. Please don’t report that we have no weather today. It may be “nice weather;” it may be “mild” or even “ideal.” But we are never without some form of weather.

“Condition” is silly most of the time, much as with “situation.” They’re weak words. What does “hurricane conditions” say that “hurricane” doesn’t say? What does “windy conditions” say that “windy” doesn’t say? No need for “we have rainy conditions in the forecast” when a simple, declarative, “I forecast rain in two hours” will do. Is “a fourth-down situation” any different than “It’s fourth down”?

“System” is another one. What is the difference between “highways” or “freeways” and “the highway system” or “the freeway system” --other that three syllables!?!

Calling something an “event” does not strengthen it. A “sales event of the century” is no more emphatic than a “sale of the century.” A “tornadic event” is no greater than “a tornado.”

“Blizzard-like” and “hurricane-like” conditions are meaningless terms. These are weather phenomena that have certain very specific definitions: 75 mile-an-hour winds, for example. Even “categories. So if it’s a blizzard it’s a blizzard. No need for either “-like” or “conditions.” And if it’s not a blizzard it’s either “near-blizzard weather” or “not quite a blizzard.”

What’s up with this sudden increase in the use of “kind of” and “sort of”?? Neither one makes any sense. Similar to the signature way that many politicians start an answer to a question with “Now let me say this about that....” Really worse. Each weakens the word or phrase that follows it. It makes me kind of angry. Huh? It is going to be hot and humid or it isn’t going to be hot and humid. But “kind of hot and humid”? I don’t think so.

“Guys” has overrun us. Until recently it was a slang term for a small group of males, as in “Guys and Dolls.” Maybe “guys” as opposed to “gals.” An elementary-school teacher might say “You boys line up there; you girls line up here.” But a high-school teacher would probably say “You guys stand there; you gals stand here.” So could it be that in search of Title 9 gender equality everyone became “guys”? There seems to be a shortage of acceptable terms for females older than 10, when they seem to stop being “girls.” Some cringe at “ladies.” Some find it awkward to use “women.” Is that why we’ve fallen back on the short and neutral “guys”? Or is it the “Northernization” of you-all? Whatever it is, “you guys” is absolutely unnecessary and sometimes inappropriate. When the waitress in the diner asks “do you guys want more coffee?” it’s merely unnecessary. (After all, “you” can refer to any number of people.) But when the waitress in a white-linen-tablecloth restaurant asks “how do you guys want your filet mignon?” it’s inappropriate at best. “You” will do 99% of the time.

“Approximately” is used when you mean to be vague. “It’s approximately 75 degrees out.” Or “it’s approximately 150 miles from here to there.” Just don’t use it when you are being precise: “It’s approximately 72 degrees out.” Or “it’s approximately 143.7 miles from here to there.

“Value” can mean worth or it can mean a specific metric. But what does the word add to communications to say that “the humidity value is 75%” or that “the dew point value is 60”? Zip.