‘NPR Voice’ Has Taken Over the Airwaves

I’m not sure, but I think that I feel had after reading this well-written piece in The New York Times. 
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/25/fashion/npr-voice-has-taken-over-the-airwaves.html?smid=fb-share
I’ve been stewing about this, working myself into a rant, about the decline in professionalism not merely at my friendly-neighborhood public-radio station, but at the Mother Ship as well. 
“WWWCD?,” they must be wondering at the ASU School of Journalism.
Me, too. I constantly complained to myself, just working up the bile to hold forth on Facebook in “Professionalize KJZZ."
Now I’m stunned to learn that it’s not an accidental slide down that slippery slope into slovenliness, but, rather, a purposeful –“deceitful?”—attempt at bridging the gap of the airwaves.
There remains, however, one tic up with which I cannot put. Its high priest is Steve Goldstein, who, morning-after-morning, continues to conduct his interviews by, in one complete burst, asking a question, making a statement, and then asking two more questions of his hapless subjects. Is this some feigned effort at being conversational?
Dunno. It certainly ain’t “What Walter Cronkite Would Do.”

“Fuzzy Kinda/Sorta”

There is a fascinating column in The NY Times of Nov. 2, 2013, by Steven Kurutz that sheds an entirely-new light on what I thought was merely a verbal tic:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/02/opinion/sunday/the-kind-of-sort-of-era.html?module=Search&mabReward=relbias%3Ar%2C%7B%221%22%3A%22RI%3A8%22%7D&_r=0

He cites several researchers and analysts who call them adverbial downtoners, hedge-speak,de-precision devices and strategic softening.  Kinda and sorta create rhetorical wiggle room, he says.

Here I thought that they were relatively new.  But, no.  One really-early super-grammarian who railed against them was William Safire, late of The Times.  In 1995 he used the term in the headline above, which is why it’s in quotes.

Now it turns political, in that kinda and sorta “can also make for wishy-washy and obsequious speech that lacks clarity, confidence and authority.”

And so I go out on a limb, with something that I’ve noticed after living outside the NY metro area for 35 years: Only kidding.

People west of Philadelphia seem to use that phrase whenever they want to soften an otherwise strong, declarative and usually-negative statement.

You don’t look so good -- Only kidding.

That movie wasn’t so hot -- Only kidding.

I’ve never been a big fan of hers -- Only kidding.

Chicago didn’t deserve to win that game -- Only kidding.

“My people” –i.e., born-and-bred Tri-Staters—make statements and stick by them. 

“You don’t like it?!!  Fuhgeddaboudit!!”

No rhetorical wiggling.   No toning down.  No de-precisioning.  No strategic softening.  Make an emphatic statement.  Stick by it. 

It’s not “sorta warm” today.  It’s 79 degrees outside.  Period.

Corporate Speak

This time I shine the spotlight not on broadcasters but on people of prominence and education who put themselves out there to be interviewed on the air.

In a recent NPR Business Report on news that Microsoft Corp was firing many people, I hear something that sounded as if it was on Click and Clack.  You know: "We'll be back after the third half of our show…?  Here's what Microsoft's CEO, Satya Nadella said: "We need to make Microsoft thrive in a mobile first and a cloud first world."  Huh?  Two firsts?

That gaff was quickly followed by Gartner analyst Merv Adrian: ""Companies need to architect themselves for the future."

Seriously?wh

OK In Print; NOT OK on Air

Fund drive looks fine; sounds like fun drive.  Fund-raising drive works!
Add it to the list:
The candidate was greeted with boos.

Got your own favorite?  Lemme hear from you.  Please.

Main Event

It’s a sale. It’s a wildfire. It’s a blizzard. Sometime during 2009 writers discovered the word ”event.” And then over-dosed on it, hoping to impress others with the importance of something.

Actual Event Planners and Convention Managers world-wide must be cringing --to say nothing of boxing promoters with their “main event.” All of a sudden, everything’s an “event.”

So every car dealer, furniture store and many other retailers began hyper-ventilating about some major "sales event." Every news reporter was "live at the scene" of a disastrous "wildfire event." And many a weather reporter was describing some "blizzard event" or "tornado event." That's almost as silly as "blizzard conditions" or "a first down situation" or "drought conditions" or "freeway system" or "downtown area." How 'bout a new one that I saw today: "a resort destination"?

Most of the time it’s an utter waste of either ink or air-time, as the word adds nothing to the strength of the statement. (See “condition,” “system” and others that subvert their way into the writing of the careless who want to sound important.)

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of crisp writing and have a delete event.

So you think English is easy?! Try teaching these....

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ...

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

UP The UP Staircase

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP . When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so... it is time to shut UP !